High Price for Health

Yesterday I finally made it to the grocery store. I don't really love Walmart for groceries but it is more economical and I had some other things to get that I couldn't really get at Kroger. I had been wanting to go all week but I am still wondering how you go grocery shopping with an infant and a toddler. The toddler sits in the front of the cart, you put the infant in the cart...where do you put the groceries? I still have no idea how single parents with more than one child make this happen. It is commendable. Hudson goes to preschool on Tuesdays and Fridays and I knew that I would be able to go much easier if I only had one child so I went yesterday.

I picked up some dairy items, produce, healthy snacks, meat for the grill, almonds, etc and my grocery total was $200. Just the groceries. Wow! It is expensive to eat healthy. I did get quite a bit of stuff and a lot of it will last us for 2 weeks but still..$200?? While it seemed like a lot of money, we used to spend $30 almost everyday going out to eat and now that expense is nearly gone.

After spending this, I started to think about the expense of being unhealthy. Eating out, buying junk food, medical bills, medications, loss of work, etc. While I haven't experienced all of this, I was on the path to destruction and it could cost a lot and ultimately cost you years of life. So, I am just going to smile about my grocery tab and know that it is saving us in the long run.

The Battle of Breast Feeding

So I am struggling with some decisions. Working in healthcare I have been indoctrinated with the idea that breast feeding is best for baby. I know that it helps their immune system and has many benefits. I have been nursing since Reese was born. The problem is that while breast feeding you have to make sure that your calorie intake is high enough or your milk production will go down; this usually equates to 300-500 extra calories per day. Since I started weight watchers two weeks ago I can already tell a difference and I am making less milk. Weight Watchers has a plan for nursing moms, it provides you with extra points to compensate for the extra calories needed but it is still hard. While I would like to continue to provide Reese with breast milk as I know it is good for her, I am torn.

I have struggled to nurse both of my kids as both of them struggled with latch on problems. This has led me to pumping and then bottle feeding. It is really hard, it is double the work. You have to pump and feed, take your pump with you in order to make sure you can pump every 3 hours, etc. I am just not good at it and to be brutally honest I don't enjoy it at all. I do it because I know it is good for her but it is not my thing. I hate that society puts so much pressure on you. I can not even count the number of strangers that have asked me "are you nursing" or when I was pregnant "are you planning to nurse". Why does a complete stranger that you see on the elevator care? I feel like everyone is judging you if you dont, even though there are plenty of healthy, beautiful, intelligent formula fed babies.

Right now I feel very motivated and want to do this once and for all. It is really hard to diet and nurse. Due to the pressures of our society I am feeling guilty that I am contemplating to quit nursing. I ask myself though...to quit nursing I am not giving the best to my daughter, however to be 100 pounds overweight and put myself at risk for diabetes, heart disease, cancer, etc. is also not giving the best to my daughter, nor my son or husband. So which do you sacrifice?

I feel like I have given her a good start. I have already nursed her for 8 weeks, substantially shy of the 6 months suggested by the American Academy of Pediatrics. I think I will be able to continue till she is 3 months old but then I am going to have to focus on me. However, in the long run I am doing this for not only myself but for my entire family; especially my kids. I want to be able to ride roller coasters with my kids and not be worried about if I will fit, I want to be able to play soccer with them at the park and not feel winded, I want to be there for them as long as I can and live a long life. So am I really being selfish?

Yay!

So last week I met my goal of losing 10 pounds so far. I had said I was going to treat myself to something. I decided to get myself some essentials for my workouts. I need some new short white sport socks and 2 nice sports bras. Now that I am exercising more, I am looking forward to them. I might splurge on another pair of pants too. I wanted to start my rewards off small. Dont worry I will be getting a massage or pedicure or something good for 20 lost!

Tonight I did 4 miles on the treadmill! I am so proud of myself. At one point I actually ran for a full five minutes. I thought I was going to die but you can do more that you think. Watching the Biggest Loser definitely helps since they are doing something crazy like running at 6.0 at a 5 incline. One of my friends suggested that I not change my goal but to reword it. I had said that I wanted to work out for 45 minutes everyday for 30 days but was having a hard time accomplishing that. Instead the goal should just be to exercise for 315 (7x45) minutes a week. That way if I miss a workout I can make up the time but not do less. I am considering it; I think it might be doable. Tonight I did 77 minutes!

Weight of the World

So I have been thinking about some of the reasons that I eat and I do think that I eat more when I am stressed or sad. For the most part I think that I handle stress pretty well but sometimes things really get to me. Even when it isn't my burden to carry I do.

A perfect example....The other night I was on Facebook and saw a post regarding the health of my brother's grandma and her being put into hospice. I only have one half brother and due to circumstances in our childhood I was raised by my mother's parents and my brother was raised by a mixture of people. He lived with my mom, his dad, his great grandma and his grandma. He was very close to her. In all honesty, I didn't even real know her but I was so saddened by the thought of my brother's grief. He was unable to see her the past five years and was not able to say goodbye in person, it also looks like he may be unable to attend her funeral. Being raised by my grandparents and knowing how close I am them I could not imagine being in that place and my heart ached for him. I actually cried tears for him. Right at that moment I wanted to drown myself in calories, especially ones with sugar or chocolate. I refrained but it made me learn something about myself.

My grandpa always says that you cant worry about the things that you cant change, my problem is that I always think that I can change them. What I need to do is change myself and quit worrying about everyone else. Dont get me wrong, I dont want to quit being compassionate but I have my own problems to take care of.

So glad to be finally on my path to taking care of this one. The other night I did 75 minutes on the treadmill. It felt really good to be accomplishing something. Just trying to be good this week and stay within my points.

Too Lofty of Goal

OK..so I am failing at my exercise everyday for 30 days goal. While I would like to and have good intentions everyday, somedays it just does not work out. I think the goal was a little lofty. Maybe I should aim for 5 days a week. That would be better. I would like to modify my goal. I hate having goals I cant reach. I would much rather make a smaller goal and obtain it.

So all my friends are concerned about me and this week. Dont worry I have not set a goal for this week except to break even. If I lose one pound I will be thrilled. I just don't want to gain. I am struggling to eat all of my points and I know that can put my body into starvation mode and slow the weight loss down. It is hard though to juggle life, the house, two kids and still find time to eat and to eat healthy stuff. I am headed to the store today and got some ideas off the weight watcher website for some good snacks.

Celery with Hummus
Apple with Peanut Butter
Cheese stick and Almonds
Carrots with fat free Ranch
Yogurt

I need some quick foods that are healthy and a good balance of carbs and protein. It is hard to just eat 3 square meals and day and get in all the points needed. If you have suggestions for snacks or meals please let me know. One food that I am absolutely in love with are these new deli thin round breads. They have 5g fiber and are only 100 calories. Only 1 point. They taste yummy and allow you to have some bread but not too much.

Weight Watcher results: Week 2

Wow! A big loss this week...6 pounds. Not sure how. I just tried to eat my daily points and to exercise regularly. As I have said in other posts, I know next week will be rough. Anytime I have tried to lose weight I always to well, better than expected the first two weeks. The next week I continue on my eating plan, continue with exercise and I usually gain a pound. This is when I get so frustrated. I say to myself, "I did everything perfect and gained a pound", then I quit. So I am asking for your support this next week or two as I know these will be my hardest based on my history.

BUT for now..lets celebrate this week! Yippee!!